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Sugar-free to be continued….

It’s been many months since I published anything on this blog, mainly due to lack of access to the necessary technology. Well, I managed to be sugar free (apart from the odd glass of red-well what can I say it has been lockdown which gave me the urge to drink, which I barely indulge in normally!) for 5.5 months and eat very healthily, thus feeling much better than pre-lockdown. The sugar has crept back in the last couple of weeks, culminating with a small in comparison to my teenage years, binge on chocolate yesterday. A conscious binge on chocolate at that. I know why too-I was craving for love and physical affection from somebody unavailable to me, so sugar was the next ‘best’ thing.

In the old days this would have led to me going ‘fuck it, I may as well just continue with the binge’. Although I can see how it’s crept back in, which I know it does from experience of other times I have cut it, I can see all I need to do is to decide to stop again, as it makes me kind of spacey n weak. And get emotional support too as this helps, alonfg with strengthening my spiritual practise. I am learning the action/priciple of sarting afresh from now-which i wrote about in an earlier post. It’s something I forget about then come back to. Life is like that for a lot of us.

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Sugar-free

March is my designated month of being sugar-free, (you gotta start somewhere!)

Craving. I have to keep reminding myself when faced with a plate of biscuits or wanting to nip to a pound shop for cheap chocolate, that today I am sugar-free.

Craving craving craving. Sugar you are not my friend. Refined sugar has no nutritional value. It’s simply a drug. A drug that is so easy to legally buy.

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Spirituality

My first boyfriend Iain, died suddenly, me aged 13, him 14. My step-sister blurted it out on my arrival at my Dad’s house. I didn’t believe her until my dad showed me Iain’s obituary in the local newspaper. The rest of that day was spent with me lying in my dad’s special chair listening to music on the radio.

6am the next day, Suzi the Jack Russell and I, headed for the local park with the river and woods running through it. Feeling both numb and connected to everything at the same time, the air felt different to me, everything came into focus-sights, sounds, smells. This was a spiritual awakening in a sense as I decided that as Iain had died so young, I would live my life more fully.

I had been fat since age 8 and thought that being thin was to live life fully.

Self-starvation and exercise release endorphins. I felt better-more relaxed, had more humour and became focused at school therefore excelling. Peers shared their problems with me making me popular. A few months later however, this was all set to change.

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Coming back to me

Instincts

I seemed to have lost myself in a temporary arrangement with a man. I was so sure there was something in it. My instincts kept telling me otherwise, and as one of my spiritual leaders said me me yesterday ” your instincts are always so strong”. so the issue is Trust. Trusting what I feel and saying what I think. He sure as hell said what he thought. without much censorship. So why couldn’t I?

Saying what I think has never come easy. Hmmm. there were so many things I wanted to question but went into fear and numbness. Then the things he brings up when he finishes with me are the things I wanted to question! how pissed off am I?

My tendency to procrastinate was being challenged, which is a good thing on the whole. I don’t get along with being brutally challenged though.

One good thing is that I am writing this blog under no scrutiny which is one of the things he wanted me to do.

What am I learning? Be 100% clear about what I want. Question things I don’t understand. Question motives. Get a clear answer as to what that person wants, rather than trying to guess from their heavy hints. Become a woman of unlimited self-esteem. Start now.

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Do the laundry

For many years I have wanted to go to Indonesia and over the last few days a voice kept saying “Go to Bali this summer and find a (sound) healer”

Yesterday morning a friend messaged me in a rather harsh way to get on and do my website/blog, which I’d said I was planning for today in my web design class. Besides I needed to go to the launderette as I was down to my last pair of knickers. I decided to break my habit of pleasing others, and do my mundane thing.

Going to the launderette (one out of a possible five near where I am staying) was a lengthy process as I had to shop in the opposite direction to get a good deal on detergent.

On arrival the place was busy. There was a pretty looking guy with very open energy sat trying to read. He had an actor-like aura.

Eventually I talk to him and find out he is healer and yoga teacher. “Do you know any sound healers” I ask. “Yes, I do a bit myself and I work with several, and the best one is in Bali”. I tell him I have been thinking about going to Indonesia. “Don’t think, just do it” he said.

Soon.

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From this moment on

My determination to blog every day soon dissolved, the important thing however is to start again from now.

I was assistant lecturer a few days ago for my Buddhist local study. The theme, “True cause” meaning that the causes we make right now and from each moment on are a fresh start. Each day is a renewal, in my case starting with chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and portions of the Lotus Sutra.

The past has no meaning other than transforming and using what we have learnt from it and turning karma into mission.We chant to manifest our Buddhahood which is a pure, unchanging lifestate in which we can view life from an elevated angle and therefore make choices and decisions with a clear mind.

The true cause for attaining Buddhahood is practicing the Bodhisattva way aka chanting for the absolute happiness of ourselves and all beings by sewing the seeds of enlightenment by propagating Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, and eternally taking action in society for every beings absolute happiness.

Let’s forget about the past and step boldly into our own bright futures together.

The heart of the Lotus Sutra is the revelation that one may attain supreme enlightenment in one’s present form without altering one’s status as an ordinary person. This means that without casting aside one’s karmic impediments one can still attain the Buddha way. “Reply to Hakiri Saburo” (WND, 410)

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Get on it!

Ha! Just re-read my post about making goals. It was meant to spur myself on. In Buddhism we are encouraged to make determinations.

A motivational person I met asked me where I want to be in a year’s time. People in my environment are on it with goal setting. I struggle. On further questioning (when this person got fed-up with my procrastinating ways) he told me he makes goals on a yearly, monthly, three-weekly, weekly, daily and hourly basis. He only gives himself treats when he has achieved his goals for the day, week etc. Treats are for my sanity/self-care.

Yikes!! that’s strict but it works for him. I was just watching a video where the presenter is talking about writing down goals as our brain likes something concrete to latch on to.

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Light travellers, poets et al

Welcome to my new blog

Here we are at the start of a new year and decade. What are you visions, dreams and goals for today, in a week, month, six months, a year and the next year-10 years?

I am asking myself this question too, in an attempt to live in a focused and engaged way as opposed to my past tendency to drift along.

I have been a hands on natural healer for many years, treating people periodically and am also a poet, actress and in a choir. I am a practicing Nichiren Buddhist- that means I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo on a daily basis along with portions of the Lotus Sutra, study the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin and Soka Gakkai International president Daisaku Ikeda, as well as attend Buddhist activities and support many people, whilst doing what we call ‘Human Revolution’ This blog isn’t specifically about my Buddhist practise, but you will find inspiration from it on here.

The purpose of this blog is to share thoughts and feelings on spirituality, healing and share my passion for writing poetry too. After much deliberation about whether to work as a professional healer (it just keeps coming back to me!) and deciding to completely recover from a chronic health problem, this is the year where I decided to take the action to train as a Sound Therapist using Voice. My training starts in March and this blog will keep you updated on my progress.

My goal is to help as many people as I can whilst developing my full potential as a healer, here in the UK and internationally. I want people to hear about and experience the wonderful benefits of sound vibrations. Watch this space.

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