My first boyfriend Iain, died suddenly, me aged 13, him 14. My step-sister blurted it out on my arrival at my Dad’s house. I didn’t believe her until my dad showed me Iain’s obituary in the local newspaper. The rest of that day was spent with me lying in my dad’s special chair listening to music on the radio.
6am the next day, Suzi the Jack Russell and I, headed for the local park with the river and woods running through it. Feeling both numb and connected to everything at the same time, the air felt different to me, everything came into focus-sights, sounds, smells. This was a spiritual awakening in a sense as I decided that as Iain had died so young, I would live my life more fully.
I had been fat since age 8 and thought that being thin was to live life fully.
Self-starvation and exercise release endorphins. I felt better-more relaxed, had more humour and became focused at school therefore excelling. Peers shared their problems with me making me popular. A few months later however, this was all set to change.




