Spirituality

My first boyfriend Iain, died suddenly, me aged 13, him 14. My step-sister blurted it out on my arrival at my Dad’s house. I didn’t believe her until my dad showed me Iain’s obituary in the local newspaper. The rest of that day was spent with me lying in my dad’s special chair listening to music on the radio.

6am the next day, Suzi the Jack Russell and I, headed for the local park with the river and woods running through it. Feeling both numb and connected to everything at the same time, the air felt different to me, everything came into focus-sights, sounds, smells. This was a spiritual awakening in a sense as I decided that as Iain had died so young, I would live my life more fully.

I had been fat since age 8 and thought that being thin was to live life fully.

Self-starvation and exercise release endorphins. I felt better-more relaxed, had more humour and became focused at school therefore excelling. Peers shared their problems with me making me popular. A few months later however, this was all set to change.

Coming back to me

Instincts

I seemed to have lost myself in a temporary arrangement with a man. I was so sure there was something in it. My instincts kept telling me otherwise, and as one of my spiritual leaders said me me yesterday ” your instincts are always so strong”. so the issue is Trust. Trusting what I feel and saying what I think. He sure as hell said what he thought. without much censorship. So why couldn’t I?

Saying what I think has never come easy. Hmmm. there were so many things I wanted to question but went into fear and numbness. Then the things he brings up when he finishes with me are the things I wanted to question! how pissed off am I?

My tendency to procrastinate was being challenged, which is a good thing on the whole. I don’t get along with being brutally challenged though.

One good thing is that I am writing this blog under no scrutiny which is one of the things he wanted me to do.

What am I learning? Be 100% clear about what I want. Question things I don’t understand. Question motives. Get a clear answer as to what that person wants, rather than trying to guess from their heavy hints. Become a woman of unlimited self-esteem. Start now.

Do the laundry

For many years I have wanted to go to Indonesia and over the last few days a voice kept saying “Go to Bali this summer and find a (sound) healer”

Yesterday morning a friend messaged me in a rather harsh way to get on and do my website/blog, which I’d said I was planning for today in my web design class. Besides I needed to go to the launderette as I was down to my last pair of knickers. I decided to break my habit of pleasing others, and do my mundane thing.

Going to the launderette (one out of a possible five near where I am staying) was a lengthy process as I had to shop in the opposite direction to get a good deal on detergent.

On arrival the place was busy. There was a pretty looking guy with very open energy sat trying to read. He had an actor-like aura.

Eventually I talk to him and find out he is healer and yoga teacher. “Do you know any sound healers” I ask. “Yes, I do a bit myself and I work with several, and the best one is in Bali”. I tell him I have been thinking about going to Indonesia. “Don’t think, just do it” he said.

Soon.

Light travellers, poets et al

Welcome to my new blog

Here we are at the start of a new year and decade. What are you visions, dreams and goals for today, in a week, month, six months, a year and the next year-10 years?

I am asking myself this question too, in an attempt to live in a focused and engaged way as opposed to my past tendency to drift along.

I have been a hands on natural healer for many years, treating people periodically and am also a poet, actress and in a choir. I am a practicing Nichiren Buddhist- that means I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo on a daily basis along with portions of the Lotus Sutra, study the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin and Soka Gakkai International president Daisaku Ikeda, as well as attend Buddhist activities and support many people, whilst doing what we call ‘Human Revolution’ This blog isn’t specifically about my Buddhist practise, but you will find inspiration from it on here.

The purpose of this blog is to share thoughts and feelings on spirituality, healing and share my passion for writing poetry too. After much deliberation about whether to work as a professional healer (it just keeps coming back to me!) and deciding to completely recover from a chronic health problem, this is the year where I decided to take the action to train as a Sound Therapist using Voice. My training starts in March and this blog will keep you updated on my progress.

My goal is to help as many people as I can whilst developing my full potential as a healer, here in the UK and internationally. I want people to hear about and experience the wonderful benefits of sound vibrations. Watch this space.

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